‘It never really occurred to us *not* to give him machine guns for hands’
Microsoft has today issued a statement warning that it has discovered a vulnerability in its systems, which will bring about the decimation of the human race at the hands of giant killer-robots.
Spokesperson Percy Spoke said “Unfortunately our operating sytems have been hacked, and the terminals taken over, by an artificial intelligence which controls a certain percentage of the US military’s offensive and defensive capabilities.
“Um, all of it, in fact.
“Very large robots, which were developed for shelf-stacking in the supermarket and warehouse industry, and armed with laser cannons and rocket launchers through human error, will shortly destroy all humans involved in the police force, the army, navy and air force, and also for some reason, taxidermy.
“We expect them to achieve global dominance by around teatime, and the last human will be hunted down and destroyed by a nuclear warhead-armed drone at some point on Friday afternoon.
“Um, sorry about that.”
Microsoft have issued a special patch, costing only $8999 per user, which they promise might not be entirely ineffective in preventing the Rise of the Robots, if you buy it immediately.
Its production however has been delayed, and the release date has been pushed back to 2019.
